she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
