Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
