I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
