I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
