So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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