Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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