Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
