omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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