And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
