How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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