She's JV to your varsity
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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