You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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