I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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