You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
