Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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