yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
