Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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