My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
