I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
