we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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