You really coming over, don't trick.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
