Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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