I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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