Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
