You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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