I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
