Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
