composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
