i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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