Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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