just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
