She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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