shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is my gift to your gina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize