I wish I only lived at night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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