I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
