When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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