Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
