I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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