There is no way he is gay with that hair.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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