i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
