i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
