are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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