We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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