He uses pillows to masturbate.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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