I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
