Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
