So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
