we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
