i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize