This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
