listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
