i just google imaged poop.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
