Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
