I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We are two peas in an std pod
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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