Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
