when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
