i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
