hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
