Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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