It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
