you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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