Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My balls are so social today.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
