I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize