I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it because I queefed?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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