guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
